I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
