also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
