I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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