just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
True strength comes from lack of pants
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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