did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
