He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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