New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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