I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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