Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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