you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
