Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
