So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
