How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize