Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
