Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
