I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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