Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
