If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
