We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
