You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
