You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
