i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize