Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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