before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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