Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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