The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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