You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
time to smoke my breakfast
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
