plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
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Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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