I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My life is pants optional.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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