More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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