My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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