yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
