Im at strip club and am horny
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
