i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
