thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
