Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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