When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
