my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
