The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
