Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
