Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
