That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
