I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
