Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
