We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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