dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
