it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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