Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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