Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize