Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
