Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
