Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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