if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
