I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
