I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
