Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
