She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
