Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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