we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
