Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
