So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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