is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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