I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
