Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
