She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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