someone get that fucking seahorse.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
