trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
