He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
