I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
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