We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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