I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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