I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If I die, sorry about rent.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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