that's an acceptable place to lick
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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