I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
